"She cried herself to bed last night, one of those many nights these days. She woke up in tears to put the padlock on the door and rose again in the evening. It's not fair how this happiness never last."
Friday 7:52 Coffee and scorched ham in the tummy/Empty Heart/ Wandering Mind/ Such a sad soul
I started to make calls on the list. Funny how I mix everything up and get so confused about things. Tumblr makes you realize that there are so many people out there eager to escape from life. I sat precariously on the edge of my bed, reading the suppressed quotes of my favorite author. It's always a pity I've yet to meet a person who admires her as greatly as I do.
"It just goes to show you: you can put nine thousand miles between you and another person. You can make a vow to never speak his name. You can surgically remove someone from your life. And still, he’ll haunt you."
— Jodi Picoult, Lone Wolf
Wouldn't it be nice? Meeting someone new and he says "Do you like reading her novels? I think she's amazing. The way she portrays humans as vulnerable and fragile creatures and did you know, I fell in love with wolves too." We could spend an entire afternoon talking about love and faith and humanity and fall asleep with wrinkled smiles and starry eyes.
Or maybe I won't, won't ever meet such a person but I'll fall in love with him anyway.
Or maybe I won't, won't ever meet such a person but I'll fall in love with him anyway.
Happiness never ever last, does it?
"You don’t need water to feel like you’re drowning, do you?"
— (Nineteen Minutes)
Day 208 of 500
People who make last minute changes to your plans are incorrigible and annoying. I don't know, I guess I should find a job to take my mind off things on those horrid days, when you're forced to remember. I'm happy because a little fish is coming back, albeit to his swan. I'm just his little magpie but at least we can now do away with the missing bit yep. Maybe I should have some time alone and head out alone and breathe the scent of the evening sky alone and watch the sky cry alone. Or maybe I will have dinner with a good friend tomorrow. I should stop crying because they say I'm beautiful but why can't this beautiful ever seep into the deeper insides, burrow themselves in my collar bones and arch in my heavy heart. How can I be beautiful if all I am ever going to be is a magpie? I think wolves are pretty creatures but how can bunnies ever like something so seemingly horrid? Maybe I should date someone new and feel happy again. Eight months is really too long for a boy who breaks your heart.
Somewhere out there, someone lost a loved one. A boy watches his love, loves another. A family is dysfunctional. Everybody has their own woes. Mine is not of paramount value, of course it isn't. And I'm sure I'll be alright again when the memories go back to their dark corners and a smile gradually lights up across my face, a genuine one at it.
xoxo
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