Day 102

Thursday, 14th June


Day 102: Caught Madagascar 3 with good friends. Would've been a great movie if not for the irritating motherfucker beside me who makes lots of weird, terrible snorting noises. (Alright, he was just laughing hysterically). Idk, maybe I'm too used to watching movies with a quieter, more reserved guy. The last movie I watched was with H though, and he didn't fidget much too. Irritating guys and their juvenile antics.  


Chanced upon a shop retailing in musical instruments and silly me had to break down before it. I'm sorry I'd been such a burden, hadn't I? I tried to hate on you, but I can't. In spite of what happened between us, I can't hate you. My head throbbed for a moment there and I just had to drink. Don't worry, I only had two cans, still very much sober indeed. Felt so emotionally unstable and I wanted somebody to be there for me really badly. Was on the phone with J. Miss this boy so much and his voice takes me back to the 3 days I've first known him, such a fine young man, so unbroken, and flawless. But he mentioned ph which means more drinking and I can't recall what he was going on about but I guess that's about it. Silly little gray bunny, can't even tell him that I needed him for a while. Does partying and drinking take away the pain? If it does, maybe I should try it too. Called H but he was so occupied with his work. So there's just a poor little bunny going home after popping some mints into her mouth so she wouldn't have reeked of alcohol.


Fumbled with girlfriend's phone and dialed your number by accident. I miss you, and it hurts knowing that all I want is to have you appear before me and want me back again. But our last hug was the only perfect memory that remains unstained. No, we'll never. Put on the most natural look and managed to delude my parents into believing that I wasn't all hung up and wasted. I can't have them knowing that I'm not yet over you. Intended to publish this post last night but I was having a 5 hours casual talk with a really good friend. Thank God for his presence that helped me survive a tumultuous night.


Last night, I realize that people do judge. So yes bunnies, if you're reading, this is for you, just a sudden wild thought across my mind. Hmm, inspirations.


"In life, you can't possibly please everybody. Henceforth, fuck what they think and do what you feel is right, do what makes YOU happy."


On a side note, will be receiving Letter of Appointment on Monday/Tuesday. I wonder what I'd be receiving if I'm not selected into the Management Committee though. A letter that states: Sorry that we didn't choose you eventually, but we really do appreciate your efforts. Or will I just receive nothing at all? Thought it's a superfluous question and I left it at that. Will it make me happy if I'm chosen, or not? I don't have a clue. All I know is, this time round, unlike others, I can't afford to walk away from fear, no more.