1st Person Entry

Dear Diary,


Day 100: Fell really sick. Was weak and nauseous for no reason. Lay on my room's cold tiles, body limp, sweating profusely from my face. Gathered enough strength to make up and look proper. No, I didn't conceal my acne scars as usual. Fuck, I look ugly. Took some pills and left my place. Body was cold and goosebumps affected me on the train. Alighted and vomited. Still feel nauseous. Accompanied girlfriend out to collect my phone and to buy her new camera. So happy for her, feels like buying my own camera in due time too. See, I just proved that I can take care of myself, I don't need a boy to do the task for me. 


Day 101: Reached home, re-activated my phone. I'm jealous. Good Lord, why? Fuck feelings. That's why I should never entertain feelings for any fucking body. We don't even do something fucking simple, like talk? I'm so shy, oh god why. I'll just lose to her forget it; never have been her competition anyway, never been good with guys. I'm just a shy girl, where did all the confidence from facing the masses go to? Day 101, I feel that I should get well soon 'cause I really do wish to save J from his pain. Many people are worried for me, and I should do something about it. 


There's an interview later and I'm really afraid. I won't walk away this time round. I gave up on too many things, including you. No matter how I'm feeling, I won't leave anymore. I've done enough harm to this life.


Day 101: I'd like to own a camera and maybe I should work harder at convincing her. I'd like to own one so I could disappear soon. Lost all my contacts, is it a good thing? I don't know, I remember your no though. Scumbag memory. 


Day 101: Feelings, Meet Amnesia. Amnesia, this is Feelings. Met each other? Now forget. 


I shouldn't even be jealous, no.


P.S: On a good note, I've come to terms with my life goal today! Before I forget ... ;) 

• Intern at DDB Singapore
• Score well enough to study Mass Communications @ a local university 
• Be the creative person behind DDB Singapore years down the road 

YAY, CHLOE FOUND HER LIFE GOALS :') I'm not so afraid of my future now. Let's work hard! 

Wordy post, I apologize. I feel comfortable penning my thoughts here, really :)