Ticket to the end of the world

Just came home from mentoring rehearsal. Doesn’t feel too good because I screwed up my part and exclaimed “Fuck”. What upset me more wasn’t the screwing up part, but the fact that I PROMISED MYSELF to abstain from profanities once I get into mentoring mode. Though there were no children around, I feel like I disappointed myself. So I felt like crying (I KNOW RIGHT, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHY), and I suspect it’s pms la. Or the incident that upset me earlier today. Or some impromptu moodswing. Ok, I don’t know why either.

Somebody complimented that I have porcelain white skin and a dolly look. LOL I’m not kidding! Ok, I officially adore her now hahaha. Well, she probably missed the pimple seated on my left cheek. K, what the fuck.

Maybe I should consider behaving like an ah lian since that’s the impression I give most people. Haha, that’s gonna be interesting. Most of the time, I’m LITTLE MISS NICE. But some things cannot be condoned. So don’t blame me when you’re entertained by my bitchy side. Everybody has his limits.

Nobody have the rights to condemn another. Learn to judge with your mind, not your eyes. You'd spit venom with those words, swallow the fuck in. Don't let karma visit you like a little whore. If I were to say I’m okay with it, I’d be lying. But I’m counseling myself to let the matter rest. And I will. But definitely, we’ll all remember what exactly occurred. It’s like a scar, a bad memory. Sometimes it returns to haunt.

People often and always give excuses for what they can do, but are afraid of doing. And why are we so frightened? It’s because the first step itself is daunting. We fret over the consequences even before we take the plunge; we can’t overcome the mental monster within us. But you know what I think? Just-fucking-do-it. Don’t give excuses, no, nobody reserves the right to give any. What you fear is going to limit you. You’d never know what you are capable of. I understand that sometimes even if you give in your best, it’s still not good enough; you still won’t succeed or achieve your heart’s desires. But at least you tried, nobody will lament or regret assisting you.

Sometimes in spite of your best efforts, you can’t change people’s stagnant mindsets. So I give up and stop trying. I’m sorry that I stop trying.

I’ve been falling sick for the entire week. Stomach flu, fever and cold. Sometimes I really hope I can just faint there and then, and have a good rest. Everything is coming too fast, too sudden. I’m so unprepared. Please God, grant me a good rest. Maybe I will have it this weekend.

Saw Roald Dahl’s collections at Harris clearance sale for $160 and I am SO, SO TEMPTED to buy it since it’s the last set. But I don’t have fucking $160 then. I really love childhood stories and children writers. Hans Christian Anderson is my favorite childhood author. Books can always sift me into a whole new world and carry me away. I’d wonder if I could meet a guy who loves reading too. I hope he will like the same novels as me though J


Skinny love is annoying. ): 

Putting all the unhappy things aside, I’m going to watch 小鬼 movie tmrw at cathay!!!!!!!!!! ❤