Hi, I'm currently in SP Auditorium, and yes, I have once again skipped vpdp because it sucks. I mean, who in the right mind can sit through 4 hours of tutorial without falling asleep? Not me. Meeting girlfriend for mac breakfast. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee. 

Met up on Sunday with my cheergalicious baby boy DANNY and baby girl GILBERT after we lost contact for awhile since I left cheer >: Headed to Danny’s place to study and at 9pm+ geylang street for din sum dinner and taohuey at rochor restaurant. Interesting sights and lights. There’s this awkward moment when they saw the side profile of this guy and exclaimed aloud, “Ok, that’s a butch.” And I think that guy heard them LOL! He came to sit next to our table and wow, what nice complexion hahaha. Love them to bits, can’t wait for another meet up soon!

Deeply ashamed of my Chinese standard now. I can’t even get simple terms and phrases right. It mightn’t be anything much to others, but hello, I used to be the bilingual award recipient back in school for 2 consecutive years!! Well, it isn’t really my fault that I don’t take Chinese these days and I’m a Media and Communications student. Urgh. MUST PRACTISE, MUST SPEAK GOOD CHINESE.

K so I met weird guys at my workplace. One was pretty cute, he keeps coming back to buy ice cream much to his dismay of his friends, which I personally find to be really amusing though. And he asked me, “I really resemble a kid right?” of which I smiled to him. Another situation was horrendously awkward. Apparently, my boss’ friend (which in some sense is my friend too?) kept smiling at this guy standing outside my shop pondering his ice cream flavor, and this friend of mine just kept smiling at him and winking at me LOL WTF! So I assumed that they know each other, so I smiled at my customer, who in turn stared at both of us in disbelief. When he left, I wanted to know really badly what was going on and I was like, “Why are you smiling like some homosexual making his moves on my customer?!” And my friend replied that the cust kept staring at me and he thought WE had something going on. Madness.

While waiting for the bus home, I had my music on loudspeaker and this crazy random weirdo asked, “Excuse me miss, what’s the song title that you’re listening to?” And I’m just there thinking: What the fuck, we are just two random people waiting for the bus; do you really have to do this? Shot him a disgusted and turned off look before giving him the title of which he went on to Google it and played it too _l_ Siao.

Monday is good, I am happy on Monday. I hope I’ll be happy for many more days to come. Journalism paper on Thursday, Econs _l_ FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE on next Tuesday. Followed by boot camp and IPRA ca due. Wonder if I would get into mentoring subcommittee. Though everybody is telling me that I have a relatively high chance, who knows? I have screwed up quite abit here and there, ah fuck. Shall not think about it.


Hand is swollen I don't know why ); Mosquito bite all of a sudden?! Should really stop visiting ngee ann so often, because SP feels more like home to me aw! AND OK, I PROMISE MYSELF TO NOT SKIP LESSONS ANYMORE FOR THIS WEEK. SO, FUCKING DON'T. NO CHLOE NO. D: Lol. 

It’s been a month since we last talk, since we stop keeping in touch, yet again. Every single day no matter if I’m sad or happy, angry or frustrated, I still feel a nagging emptiness within me. It’s like I’m only truly complete when I’m with him. It’s a kind of feeling unlike any other can give. I know, by not communicating with him, neither would he keep in touch with me. Because he once told me he wouldn’t feel a thing amiss even if I were to disappear from his life. He’s happy without me, and I’m happy for that. I don’t find it hard to feel happy for his happiness; I’m not all that selfish after all. I don’t know if I am really in love with this guy (It’s really too sacred a term to use for a 17 year old girl) but I am serious about liking him. I have so much to share with him about my life, it’s like I can tell him bits and pieces every single day, so that he could keep staying on. But I’d reckon he wouldn’t be interested to know. After all, it’s really just about me, and who gives a fuck about Chloe? I could fall asleep listening to him talk not because I’m sick and tired of hearing it, but because I want to fall asleep with his voice resonating in my head, with him by my side when I wake up.

对他的表白是唯一一次，也是最后一次。

It’s been a year. I should set him free from my heart, along with all these pain, these stupid tears and sleepless nights. I’d bet he sympathizes with me. I know I have to give up on him really soon. I’m so frightened I won’t have the will to let it go. But I know I will, because I ought to. Still strong enough for it.

Just came home from mentoring rehearsal. Doesn’t feel too good because I screwed up my part and exclaimed “Fuck”. What upset me more wasn’t the screwing up part, but the fact that I PROMISED MYSELF to abstain from profanities once I get into mentoring mode. Though there were no children around, I feel like I disappointed myself. So I felt like crying (I KNOW RIGHT, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHY), and I suspect it’s pms la. Or the incident that upset me earlier today. Or some impromptu moodswing. Ok, I don’t know why either.

Somebody complimented that I have porcelain white skin and a dolly look. LOL I’m not kidding! Ok, I officially adore her now hahaha. Well, she probably missed the pimple seated on my left cheek. K, what the fuck.

Maybe I should consider behaving like an ah lian since that’s the impression I give most people. Haha, that’s gonna be interesting. Most of the time, I’m LITTLE MISS NICE. But some things cannot be condoned. So don’t blame me when you’re entertained by my bitchy side. Everybody has his limits.

Nobody have the rights to condemn another. Learn to judge with your mind, not your eyes. You'd spit venom with those words, swallow the fuck in. Don't let karma visit you like a little whore. If I were to say I’m okay with it, I’d be lying. But I’m counseling myself to let the matter rest. And I will. But definitely, we’ll all remember what exactly occurred. It’s like a scar, a bad memory. Sometimes it returns to haunt.

People often and always give excuses for what they can do, but are afraid of doing. And why are we so frightened? It’s because the first step itself is daunting. We fret over the consequences even before we take the plunge; we can’t overcome the mental monster within us. But you know what I think? Just-fucking-do-it. Don’t give excuses, no, nobody reserves the right to give any. What you fear is going to limit you. You’d never know what you are capable of. I understand that sometimes even if you give in your best, it’s still not good enough; you still won’t succeed or achieve your heart’s desires. But at least you tried, nobody will lament or regret assisting you.

Sometimes in spite of your best efforts, you can’t change people’s stagnant mindsets. So I give up and stop trying. I’m sorry that I stop trying.

I’ve been falling sick for the entire week. Stomach flu, fever and cold. Sometimes I really hope I can just faint there and then, and have a good rest. Everything is coming too fast, too sudden. I’m so unprepared. Please God, grant me a good rest. Maybe I will have it this weekend.

Saw Roald Dahl’s collections at Harris clearance sale for $160 and I am SO, SO TEMPTED to buy it since it’s the last set. But I don’t have fucking $160 then. I really love childhood stories and children writers. Hans Christian Anderson is my favorite childhood author. Books can always sift me into a whole new world and carry me away. I’d wonder if I could meet a guy who loves reading too. I hope he will like the same novels as me though J


Skinny love is annoying. ): 

Putting all the unhappy things aside, I’m going to watch 小鬼 movie tmrw at cathay!!!!!!!!!! ❤

Woke up this morning with severe stomach flu. Had been having stomach upset for the past night, and it didn't surprise me that I felt so weak and wobbly this morning. When I was preparing for school, diarrhea strike once more. I have this to say: I H A T E visits to the doctor. Ever since I came to poly, my distaste towards visits to the doctors has increased. BECAUSE OF THIS STUPID LOA that I have to firstly fill up online, then personally pass it to the school itself. Anyway, I hate visiting the doctor because I don't like to wait, I don't like the sick nauseating smell of the polyclinic/hospital, I don't like the fact that I am only going to get infected by other patients when I'm suffering from minor illnesses. I just ABHOR visits to the doctor lol. 


Really touched and thankful that my best friend queued for an appointment to the doctor for me, and also for my medicine. ❤ Ok, after which, I headed to school for mentoring anniversary rehearsal. So, I am part of the three musketeers for the stage crew, and officially the LIGHTS DIMMER and SLIDES SWITCHER. It sounds kinda retarded, but I realize my role is pretty much substantial, and I love it haha! But because of the side effects from my medicine, I was really drowsy and dazed. Junlong, who is the coordinator for stage crew, starts to explain my role to me, which sounds like rambling. (I'm so sorry, i'm drugged!) I find it really amusing when he pronounces Arthur Poh as Arthur (R-ter) when it should be Arthur (Au-ter) and he said singers as 'singles' which I mistook as 'seniors' lol! 




I'm sorry, but I'm tired of leading my life like this. I don't want to be under their beck and call anymore, not doing things just because they don't like it. It's been 7 months. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm going to do things my way from herein. I'm sorry that I'm sick and tired of all these shit, I really hope they would understand. Because I'd like to help them get out of their comfort zone and interact with others too. Shall make the first step for them. I want to be happy. 


Am very fucking drowsy and sick. Say hi to flu, fever and stomach upset. Please girl, please take care of yourself!  

I am interested in SP BP Mentoring Sub Committee. :) Guess what, I had the recommendation letter ready immediately after I received the email, but I didn't send out, of yet. There are so many other competent candidates keen on a spot in mentoring, so I'm really uncertain if I'll eventually get mine. My performance in fsc so far isn't all that stunning either ): Fa fee do fum. Cross my fingers, and pray for the best. It's something I really want after all. 


So I slipped, fell and landed on my ass yesterday. That was crazy. (I'd wonder if anybody notice.) Then, I missed a stop and had to w a l k b a c k in the rain. And I got sick again, hooray! Lol. This morning while blowdrying my hair, it got trapped in the air vent of the hairdryer. So apparently my sister got a new one with a powerful wind speed, and it trapped one bunch of my hair. And since my hair is really long, like r e a l l y annoyingly long in this instance, I ended up with frizzy, burnt hair haha! Left with little choice, I tied a bun to school and received comments like "What's wrong, you look like you aged overnight!" Ok thanks. 


Sometimes, I feel lonely. I feel like I'm in a place filled with so much joy and laughter, but none of it belongs to me. I don't feel happy when I ought to feel this kind of bliss too. I feel lonely, and helpless. But in other places, I get this recognition, love and sense of belonging. That kind of feeling that you're appreciated and people actually want to have you around. I don't get that much with certain people. That's mind boggling. 

Oh yay, hi. I'm finally doneeeeeeeeeeee w vpdp presentation! :D That's pleasant news, indeed. One tiny revelation I have: I actually like wearing formal wear heh. Except for the heels part, obviously. Shall simply accept the fact that I'm fuckeningly short and put on some wedges instead )': I'd rather be labelled s h o r t than prance around in those heels anytime.


Ok, let's see. Sleepover tmrw at best friend's place! Actually do like the drinks part, hahaha. Have not had a sip for a month, thirsty. Lazy to pack my stuffs though. It's like going to a camp. The difference between poly friends and secondary school mates are the fact that they know me SO FUCKING WELL lol. Well, seeing that the fact that we have been friends for like close to 5 years? Of course. 


Every time I have feelings for somebody, something bad happens. It's either 1. We have mutual feelings for each other, but things don't work out because I'd always call it quits. The feelings just disappear, what do you expect me to do!!! ): 2. The feelings aren't mutual so I end up pretty much heartbroken. KARMA. It's okay, probably yet another temporary illusion. I've always had one of those. 


Experienced girls who want to be pretty, and yet grouse about it, or give up halfway. Blah. Then blame the entire world for being fugly. WHAT THE FUCK. Oh, and worst scenario, when they have x amount of makeup plastered on their faces but still look like they are scorched by clowns. I'm sorry to see that, all the time. The thing about looking good, and yes, I love to look good, and like all other NORMAL GIRLS, I WANT TO BE PRETTY. But to look good, first invest the effort. Don't be lazy. Dare to stand out from the crowd; dare to dress, dress to make a fashion statement, dare to look audaciously CRAZY. HAHAHA. Just fucking do it. So, let's all start looking pretty from today! :> ALL THE BEST. Ok, ignore me, I'm nuts. (Just couldn't suppress this shout-out to all pretty-wannabes out there. LIKE ME!)


Oh btw, if your PERSONALITY FUCKING SUCKS, you'll never be pretty, honey :) 


Running man episode 68 is out. kthxbye.  ♥

Sick little girl >:

Had gastric the previous morning, but still went ahead for gen ed. Worked at vpdp till 3am today, and there are still stuffs here and there that I need to see to. Helping out to set up the mentoring later, and the actual event tmrw. Stupid throbbing headache, fever, flu and bad throat x.x Seeing that I skipped dinner twice in a row because of a lack of appetite, I should see the blaring red lights of my flailing health isn't it? Stress and rushing of datelines are simply not my thing. Oh, and econs tutorial presentation, upcoming journalism paper, mentoring anniversary... 

Shall do a PROPER CAMWHORING soon. This sucks isn't it? How can I go around scaring innocent folks with my fat cholesterol-pumped cheeks. SAGGY FATS I CALL THEM D: Urgh, no girl. You don't suck the fuck. Was supposed to camwhore and upload photos of my new dreary locks on fb, but it will suffice here till I have more time to prance around w my cam heh. ♥ Well, I'm sorry if I ditch vpdp again sir, but you see, I'd assure you I'm going to do good for my ca. At least something presentable? Hold your horses. Shopping w best friend later before heading back to sp. 11 days to watching my love's movie. Thrill me out.

Yes, we should fight for our love. We must, in fact. But what if all along you're the only one fighting? Tragedy. I'd rather be loved. 

Finally rebonded my hair today after ranting on about it for weeks. Well, apparently when the hype dies down, I LIKE my hair, I don't LOVE it. That's bad isn't it? There isn't much diff after the rebonds. (So previously, my hair was quite straight!) But I fucking love the fact that my hair is long, like super long :> 12cm to waist-length! *skips and applause* 

It's the x1000000 times somebody tells me "YOU LOOK LIKE AN AH LIAN". Ok, fine. Case closed. Even the hairdresser has to tell me that. Fa fee do dum. I GET IT. And all I have to offer all of you out there with this perception of me is this: I'm not sorry that I give the wrong first impression because I like the way I dress, the colour of my hair, my fuckaminology, blah ~ I LOVE MYSELF. But get to know me more, I'm really nice. REALLY. Because afterwards people will always trot to me and say, "You know what, your character is totally different from that of your appearance." I like that. So, like me. (: 

Anyway, there's this really lovely auntie who practically ADORES my hair. She compliments my hair quality, she says it's smooth,  glossy, beautiful, long for every single minute interval. And then she went on to say she dyed the same copper red eons ago but it was so dry and miles apart from mine. She praised my art (was drawing for VPDP, oh I finished all the keyframes already after much HARD WORK invested, yay!). Frankly speaking, I'm VERY FLATTERED. And this favorable feeling became some sort of awkwardness because she was REALLY INTO MY HAIR. Like if I were to put it up for auction, she would jump at the opportunity lol. But anyway, yes. It's nice to be complimented. (Just not excessively.) 


"Kindness begets kindness." Then I'd wonder why good people always die young. But the only plausible answer to me would be that God loves them so dearly. He wants to spare them the agony of human world any longer. He wants to deliver them and bring them to his side as soon as possible. I'd regret. It's based on a real life experience. Recently, my family received news that my relative, a very nice, filial and hardworking young man, passed away because of a freak accident. It brought grief to my entire family. I really couldn't understand why, WHY EXACTLY, when he's always advocating noble causes and doing good. 


Why, me, when I'm always there for people, being betrayed and hurt time and again. Now, I understand. God is not punishing us, it's a test. It's a testimony of our undying faith and perseverance. It is, to make us the weak, stronger. Do you believe in karma? Because I do. For everything that you do, you'd reap what you sow. Believe in God's love for his people. 

Ok hi, I'm here to post again. Maybe it's a new blog, (I haven't been blogging for ages) it really does interest me. :> So much for today: I SLEPT TILL 6PM because it was raining ALL DAY. (I mean, come on, nov is such a nice season to snuggle, snuggle, snuggle.) Spent around 2 hours on VPDP ppt slides, not done yet. 3 keyframes down, 12 more urgh. Probably won't be sleeping tonight. I'M REBONDING TMRWWWWWWW. Ok, if I look like a mess after the rebonding, I'm gonna skip school on monsy. 

Recently I've been watching 法政先锋3, All my Love, Running Man. When I have more free days on my schedule, I'll watch Lie to Me.

ASSIGNMENTS/PRESENTATIONS DUE:

VPDP CA1: Coming Thursday

ECONS TUTORIAL 4: Coming Friday

GEN ED CA1: Next next Monday

SP BP MENTORING MARKETING DAY ON COMING WEDNESDAY! 

Hope I wouldn't fuck up my responsibility :/ 

Meeting my best friend tmrw ♥

All about school

Ditched classes today because I was too exhausted to crawl out of bed. When mom woke me up, I'm like: No, please don't. I'm..tired. ):" Unlike other moms who would immediately ASSUME and ACCUSE that their children are faking their illness, she wanted to get some herbs and essences (I don't know what) to revitalize her poor baby daughter. Aw. That's why I love her. 

Wearing my seking tee, pulling my hair into a loose ponytail and going makeup-free brings me back to that secondary schoolgirl again. Reminiscent. Don't get me wrong, I love looking prep and proper in my dresses, tank tops, skinnies and denim shorts for classes. The jackets, especially! Makes me feel warm and cuddly. (That's why you'll always see me in jackets.) 

I MISS MY SECONDARY SCHOOL FRIENDS. </3 Poly life is great of course. Mentoring is totally my cuppa tea because I love children ( not pedophile like) and I love my childhood. I really do appreciate my classmates, though it would definitely be better if we were closer and those I'm close with, yes you, I love all of you. But secondary school life is different. Absolutely.

VPDP sucks. :/ I've only come up with TWO PATHETIC FRAMES and submission is on tuesday. + PPT SLIDES + EXPLANATION. #IHATE. What makes me excited: REBONDING MY HAIR THIS SUNDAY ♥ Fuck yeah :)

Started blogging again, because it's kind of creepy posting MY THOUGHTS on tumblr and knowing WHO will read them. 

BYEEEEEEEEEE ♥