Well, let’s get the typing rolling. Today was fine, headed to school for Econs and guess what, reached class and there’s this ridiculous and unfathomable debate about barrier low barrier or whatever shit la. I have no idea what’s going on because I haven’t been attending lessons >: Jolene chided me for skipping so many classes JUST BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT and I feel really bad and ashamed of myself. Next week is the last week of school (Officially said, though I still have events going on of course _l_ ) and I really, really have to come.
Oh, good news. I’m selected for SP BP Mentoring Subcommittee! I remember feeling so damn fucking happy there and then when I saw the notification email, guess the hype died down. But anyhow, I’m still very delighted. However, the ambitious side of me spoke, Subcommittee is just a phase; I want to get into Managing Committee, I want to prove my self-worth. Never really had a leadership role back in my secondary school, (Not counting my emcee roles, leader for project work) so it really feels good to be appreciated. But what doesn’t please me or satiate my competitiveness is the fact that there’s a chance that I might be chosen not because I’m more superior than others, but because a substantial amount of would-be candidates didn’t even bother to write in. It’s a different story if I’m in MC, I’ll be elected by ability. That’s what I truly want. Anyway, enough talk about that. I just want to do well in SC for now. OK EASE THE TENSION SMILE SMILE.
Brother’s at camp ): OH MY FUCKING GOD WO HEN SAD. Miss him so much! I mean, without my baby brother at home, there’s nobody to say lame jokes to me, watch late night television shows with me, rant and annoy me 24/7 and chatter “RUNESCAPE RUNESCAPE” to me. I know, I know. He’s just at camp, what if he grows up and goes overseas for studies lol. I’ll be a sad old woman pining for her baby brother to return to entertain her huh! Realize that as I age, my relationship with my brother is improving at a flattering pace. It's so much tougher for sisters to sustain a good relationship; what's with all the cat fights and rivalry over cute guys, clothes, beauty products and makeup. Urgh. So troublesome >:
Exams are around the corner and I’m just sitting here feeling the angst of the stress and attempting to bang my head against the wall, fighting all my pent-up tension. Well, seeing that I’m a lady who follows organized schedules, let’s check this out.
Weekends: Revise VPDP and ECONS
Mon: IPRA Pre-submission to be completed
Tues: econs paper
Weds: VPDP paper
Thurs: econs e-learning and final submission of IPRA
8 weeks VPDP Project
9-11/12: BOOTCAMP –CASS
14-16: LEADERSHIP CAMP -MENTORING
Just my POV, (TOTALLY BASED ON CONVERSATIONS WITH GROUSERS) I have an utter distaste for guys who go for girls based on looks. Like what the fuck right, the next moment when you meet a prettier girl, are you going to diss the poor lady? Jesus Christ. That’s why I don’t fall for guys who judge girls based on looks, it’s simply an intuition. I mean, it’s really fine if the girl catches your attention initially because of her looks, it’s completely reasonable and sane. I’ll be attracted by a cute guy come on? But if afterwards, you’re unable to see beneath the exterior for her inner substance, then oh my fucking god, screw you la. Go fuck yourself in a corner and die. Which doesn’t make sense la, how the fuck do you “fuck yourself in a corner” and I typed quite a number of “Oh my fucking god” in this post lol. I don't even have the rights to criticize those guys who "fall in love" for looks because I'm just this tiny little woman of a bitch who is so wise and intelligent to procure the rights of protecting my heart, falling in love with a guy who goes for intellectual and what the fuck shit talents, and ended up having my heart in stitches either way. Lol fuck la, so stupid.
I don't know why, but sometimes people superimpose their own warped impressions of me that isn't true. I'm not all that popular, very much loved, have ex-es, is very intelligent or ah lian. I'm just a normal neighborhood girl living in this city, pleased to receive a little attention. Don't think too highly of me. Haha, and don't think too lowly too k.
Was having this really casual talk with my girlfriend and she told me this: You’re just not ready for a relationship. All these while, I didn’t believe in this logic. Because I feel that I’m already 17? Because I feel that I’m mature and conscious enough to have a relationship? But after all the hearts broken and broke, I realize that I’m only after the thrill of it. I just want what I want to have, maybe it isn’t even love. All I really know is, the guy that I fell for 5 years ago, is that one and only time that I know it’s not a plaything, nor am I being possessive over objects of my affection. That was true, and genuine. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have real feelings for x, but I changed too much afterwards, I was so hurt, so damaged, can it still be love?
Really wish I could fall in love, truthfully and genuinely with somebody. 我太不成熟了。
Working 11-5.30 shift tmrw, and then studying econs with girlfriends. Fucked life is starting by the time I wake up in the morning tmrw. But anyhow, always harbor hope in life. Positivity cures! Updated my blog because I’ve already predicted that I will be really busy for the next few days. (Though I might still update because I'm a slacker bitch lol)
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