It's 2:38am in the morning and I'm feeling so unwell, what's with the newly developed sore throat and flu. Downloaded 4 episodes of drama but probably won't watch it tonight. Waking up early tmrw for mentoring so gotta turn in soon I guess. 5 days since I last posted so here goes. So I have stated in my previous post that I was away on a 3D2N Mentoring Leadership Camp at Pasir Ris Costa Sands Resort. Just came back today and had barely sufficient sleep, or so as my body protested. Been feeling the symptoms of pang and exhaustion. Apparently, some smartass in my school decided to pick a fight and got things so complicated, the entire bunch of sp students are banned from camping overnight in school. Thanks so much. Well, not complaining either. Paid $40 and had one of the more enjoyable (yes more, not most) bbq in awhile, air con with white sheets and comfy bed.

I was late for the camp, as usual. I almost thought that my butt would scald the seat because it took me frickin’ 26 stops to reach Pasir Ris. Darn, I forgot my earpiece or a good novel to accompany me through my ride. It was so stifling. Sometimes I’d wonder if lateness is a bug or an incurable symptom. But I thought better of it. I’m certain if I met somebody worthwhile, I might turn up early, for him, or some great meritorious cause. The thing is, I KNOW LATENESS IS BAD, but I NEED somebody to give me a VERY GOOD REASON WHY. Like my mom always says, I’m so stubborn and confined in my own mentality, I need somebody to make me wake the fucking idea up /: But I think I really shouldn’t be late for mentoring anymore now that I’m an sc. Being punctual = Being responsible and accountable. I can’t possibly host an event and make everybody wait for me to arrive.

Decided to give up a chance on CASS FOC 2012 for all the SC events. It’s not a decision that I would personally like to make, but because between both, SC is more important to me. I’d regret. I’ve always wanted to take part in CASS FOC 2012, it would really be a great opportunity for me to learn and experience.

 

Alright, since I’m back from camp, let’s talk about camp! Alright, so the mentoring people are the first people in sp to have seen my bare face HAHA LOL. That’s so interesting. I mean, girls who would usually whip themselves up in good shape before meeting the rest of the world forced to not be able to doll up prettily in camp, ouch, that’s agony. So initially I was really, really self-conscious but they told me that I don’t look much different. So phew! Haha, but everytime I thought of them seeing me beneath the makeup, it tickles me pink.

One thing I hate about camp is my entangled hair, it sucks. So when I came home, I immediately used conditioner on my dry, limp hair and now it’s so bouncy and full of life! Yes, my beautiful gorgeous hair is back. Well, at least it’s smoother now when I run through. 0k, enough of that, sounds like an advert.

We played “first impressions” and “murderer game” and both happen to be my favorite FAVORITES. There’s nothing distinctive about the “first impression” I give others, but the way that they describe to me is hilarious. One guy says that I look like a ‘hiao zhabor’ which means a bimbo I think? That’s what he said. (Not good in hokkien AT ALL, pardon me) Another girl says that she’s afraid of staring at me for more than 5 seconds for fear that I would walk over to give her a tight slap. Wow. Well, maybe I should smile more. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

MRT game resulted in nice bruises and blood clots on my leg. LOL HAHA a photo of evidence. So apparently I was seated next to pei yong who’s so bony and so much thinner than me. Hence when he slapped my thighs, it’s like bone gnawing into it. God darn lol.

For now, I find it reasonably fine with the other subcommittee people. I’m not a person who’s comfortable to use fake hypocritical terms unless I really feel it. I’m fine with them, but they still don’t give me that liberated and casual feeling with the gusto people. To me, Gusto was my family. I feel very, very strongly for them. I don’t really like the idea that when Mentoring people want to know me better, they ask me about my cheerleading. To me, it’s two different things that I’d prefer to not mix together, or have in common at all. I have friends in these 2 ccas, but of which have very contrastive personalities. I’m assimilating myself in sc now, and hopefully one day I’d call my sc journey a worthwhile one because I went through it with my sc family.

Alright, topic diverted away from my camp, I’m ACTUALLY SO VERY EXTREMELY SUPER IMMENSELY interested to buy the latest Maybelline Falsies Effect Mascara!!! Haha maybe I’ll buy it tmrw!

Was watching this video from ALVINOLOGY: http://alvinology.com/2011/12/15/who-is-aaron-tan-nina-wantyouonly/

It's about this Aaron Tan guy threatening another 14 year old boy for supposedly ‘stealing’ in his term, his girlfriend. I was literally laughing throughout the video LOL. (It was supposed to be mind blasting scary I know Haha LOL) I find it hilarious, his awkward pauses and hesitations in the video, his “lim pei this, lim pei that” and oh, to top things off, HIS “PREASE LA, PREASEEEEEE” LOL! Please, and priest (prease), he doesn’t seem to get his tongue right.

Have always been worried about my future, yes future. Not the kind of worries like “Who will I end up with 20 years down the road”. Couldn’t deny that I myself would sometimes wonder who my first boyfriend would be. What worries me more is rather “What can I be in the future?” My course, Media and Communications, is something that I have chosen over Law diploma in TP. I appealed out of the law dip for a media course that I’m very enthusiastic about, and still is. I can’t envision myself as an apprentice lawyer, but I can, as an advertiser. I know that my strengths is that I’m very creative, not so much containing the vocal vibes, but yes, I do have the thing for novelty and I luxuriate in words (I think I wrote that in my facebook short description hee). I’m worried, really worried. I don’t feel that I’m particularly strong in any area. The jobs that interest me and I have more assurance in excelling would be like Magazine writers (column writers), DJ? And definitely, creative director and advertising executive. I can’t sit still in a confined area for long so journalism doesn’t really strike a chord with me. I’m just so afraid that I’d spend my life in a job that I don’t like just to keep my rice bowl. I find it difficult to explain my fears. Maybe because I’m a CW working style person, I live my life in planned schedules and detailed lineouts. Being so uncertain like this always scares me.

Alright, that’s about it. Really wanted to miss tmrw mentoring event but I was told that I REALLY SHOULDN’T DO THAT as an sc member. Well, so now I’m feeling the tension of the “Do’s and Don’ts”. Walked past alleys of alcohol and I didn’t stop to buy lol. But I’m not giving a fuck because I’m thirsty lately, and I’m so gonna have a couple of drinks at my girlfriends’ place. Drink till we drop, babes.

As I grow older, I learnt to be more forgiving. There are pretentious and ‘fake’ people around me, but I’ve learnt to see past that. To me, it’s survival instinct. No matter how bitchy or cruel their actions are, it’s the work of society, the ugliness that we are all coerced to face someday.

It's been a year. They say that if the affections go beyondst 4 months, I'm in love. I am, am I not? I'm in love with him. But I know too, that just because you entertain feelings for another, it doesn't equate that he/she has to feel the same way. 

Just looked through the work of my member. Am impressed and astounded by the script itself. There’s still so much more for me to learn. But the memorizing part scares me.

That’s all for now, Bye. :> (Forgive my poor english if you spot them in this post, shall edit it another time.)

Torn between fear and something that resembled love, she wrestled with questions she never dreamed she would face: How could she leave? Then again, how could she stay?

– Jodi Picoult, Picture Perfect

Hi. From this post herein, I’m going to remove all music from my background and insert a music video (which will be my current fave that I’m tuning in to while writing this post) Alright, for today, it will be a Korean music video. Just press ‘Play’ and listen while you browse through this post. Thank youuuuuuuu.


It's late, and I'm supposed to be working on my script for vpdp tmrw. Shall hurriedly finish this post and get back to work. Insatiable desire to blogggggggggg. 

Reasons why I detest camp: The inability to don pretty clothes, prance around w makeup on, all the sweat and perspiration from games and activities (resulting in bad complexion and looking so pale and listless and dirty and muddy and disgusting…LOL that’s how much I hate such activities). So, that’s partly the reason why I have missed cass boot camp with unadulterated intentions. But, hmm guess I can’t wriggle my way out of mentoring leadership camp >: Okay hee, I’m not upset about that alright, SO NOT. Well, maybe not totally enthusiastic about it either hahaha. But I’m still going; that’s what matters isn’t it. Hello, my complexion is already bad enough!!! I’m betting a 3 days outdoors camp wouldn’t do it much good.

So I watched MAMA awards rerun. HAHA OMFG. I’m converted into a true blue kpop fans. Couldn’t believe that me, with the shortest attention span anybody ever known of, actually sat through MAMA awards. Ok, theoretically, from part 2 onwards BUT IT’S IMPRESSIVE ENOUGH TO BREAK MY PERSONAL RECORD LOL. I’m a girl who could watch a movie with a very attractive guy and still be in a semiconscious, semi-asleep state halfway through the movie. Kpop stars  I like: SNSD, 2NE1, BEG, 2AM (Because of WGM Adam Couple!), 2PM (Nichkhun), Yoon Doo Joon from B2ST and Suzy from Miss A. Oh, not forgetting Hyun Bin, Kim Sun Ah from Scent of a woman, AND RUNNING MAN MATES!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL. (So now, it has become a fangirl page. I’d apologize.) But, can I add on that I like JONGKOOK AND GWANGSOO AND JAESUK AND GARY MOST?

Trust me; I was tearing by the time SNSD won the most coveted “Artist of the Year” award and Super Junior “Album of the Year”. Actually, I’m not much of an SJ fans, but their speech made me cry. Something along the lines of: “We used to be nothing, so insignificant, nobody bothered about us. But you, SJ fans, made us who we are today.” SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES LA. I can’t remember exactly.

Reminded me of those days when I was still a Red Cross member. Yes, I’m a Red Cross Member! Nobody ever believes due to my small frame that I COULD MARCH REASONABLY WELL UNDER THE SCORCHING HEAT and my obvious fear of blood. Straying away from my post, I remember how my stubbornness many times put my health at a disadvantage. There were many ceremonies, changing parades and events that I went to where we had to stand under the hot sun for hours without moving. So, a couple of times, I was on the verge of fainting, and trust me, I ACTUALLY MARCH WHEN EVERYTHING GOES DARK AROUND ME. I was starving, and giddy, and everything just turned pitch black lol. Haha, I don’t even know where I was marching to la seriously. All I was thinking was let’s preserve my pride and dignity. I want to do well, for myself and for my entire squad. Yes, I’m still alive. Not an apocalypse of a zombie typing.

Well yes, I said I cried when SJ won the award because I remember how when I first joined Red Cross as a tiny (OK, EVEN TINIER), small and puny little ponytail 13 year old girl, we were so, so, SO UNRECOGNISED. When we were marching, nobody actually gives a fuck. But gradually, through the years, I and 8 other members, we eventually assisted the unit to win the double gold awards, and we actually made history in HYUG for that. HAHAHA, BEST MEMORY OF MY SECONDARY SCHOOL LIFE.

My girlfriends are so busy studying for their papers, and my girlfriends in poly are either overseas, at camps, trainings or whatever. I’m so free (and bored) from Friday-Today. Practically the longest time I’ve been stuck at home since the start of this year. I still want to get my shopping done before Wednesday.

I’ve started watching Scent of a Woman and Material Queen last night, adding on to my weekly must-watch RUNNING MAN. THEY ARE MUST WATCH!!! Especially Scent of a Woman; had me tearing by episode 2. Maybe I’m a crybaby (I don’t know!) but they are such amazing drama serials alright. Haven’t watched a proper drama since dog years ago? Been busy all these while.

Changed my makeup. Well, people wouldn't really realize it, too subtle to be noticed. But for vain girls, changing their makeup changes the mood too! HEE. ♥ Shall camwhore really soon, alright. Lazy. Camwhoring needs skills too alright! :p Reminded me of a conversation with my friends and they said: "Aiya Chloe's definition of "chio" is so weird lor. Her "chio" = DOLL LOOK + BIG EYES. Don't know what she's thinking." HAHA LOL. Isn't dolly a kind of PRETTY too? Hmm. 

Felt like GIVING UP ON EVERYTHING AND JUST GET A FREAKING O FOR THAT PARTICULAR ASSIGNMENT. Sick and tired of all these shit. I TYPED 'FELT' BECAUSE I NO LONGER FEEL IT :) Hopefully, won't feel it again ._. Was so angry till I spoke to my brother and read my favorite novels. Had a warm bubble bath and talked it over with my groupmates. Now I'm feeling much better. WE ALL NEED GOOD COMMUNICATION. When we communicate, I realize that everybody are willing to give in and condone one another. I must have been a horrible naggy and cranky bitch to my groupmates. Haha, but hopefully they can understand my stance and appreciate my efforts when we can finally call everything a wrap! This groupwork will certainly make me learn substantially. I won't give up. I'm going to make things work, with them :)

This was supposed to be a short post but my feelings overwhelmed me. So it became..LONG AGAIN! Haha. Hopefully another update before I’m shooed to camp on Wednesday. Alright, shall end the post with Jodi Picoult’s quote.

If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask… with nothing beneath it?

– Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes

"Did you ever walk through a room that’s packed with people, and feel so lonely you can hardly take the next step?"

-Jodi Picoult (Second Glance)

Hi. A relatively long blogpost ahead HAHAHA so sad. I don't care just keep reading. :p Had Econs paper yesterday. Was quite hardworking for this particular paper, and it turns out, my one and only paper before the term break comes lol. Not too bad, I answered every question but realize that since I screwed up a little here and there, I might have to settle with only a "B Grade". So gonna flaunt it in the tutor's motherfuckin' face for giving me a benchmark of 20-30. Oh my fucking god manhoe. That's if I can get a B ok!! Alright, so theoretically, tmrw will be my LAST DAY OF SCHOOL YAY! Let's see, I'm not attending conference on thursday nor boot camp from fri-sun. That means I'll have plenty of free time! (I hope so) Well, one good thing about CASS students, we don't have many papers, but instead, plenty of project based submissions. Pros and cons, I would say.

Learnt about a good friend’s departure and that greatly saddens me. She’s leaving Singapore to further her theatre studies in Hk and probably wouldn’t come back in due time. We aren’t close and chummy like playmates since toddlers nor do I know her for a very long, long time; she’s a very good friend of mine no matter how short the time we’ve known each other for, and she’ll always be. I’m sad, but I know I should be happy for her. So, I’ll be; I will be. I hate the feeling of being the one left behind. Why do people always end up leaving me? Should I not get too attached to people? Feeling this way because her departure makes me think of him again.  >: 

This lady is beautiful; she’s amazing. She’s gorgeous, the epitome of real beauty. Guys, wanna know what kind of girl you should fall for? She’s exactly the one. She may not be pretty, slim or have the perfect figure, but she possesses attractive vocals. This is called looking beneath the exterior; this is called “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. Many pretty girls are unable to manage this feat or even sing a simple song. All they are good at is looking pretty, like a vase. I feel so strongly for this lady, with such ardent admiration as a female, bet she has tons of admirers by now.


Alright, so I was on the bus and I overheard a conversation amongst this bunch of guys which was REALLY, REALLY LOUD so I can't help but be coerced to listen in. They were talking about girls!!! Can't remember clearly but it goes something like this: "Wah you know ar, I was on facebook the other day, then I added this chiobu. Saw the photos she had with her girlfriends, all sibei chio." Then they talk about girls they know and keep gushing over girls LOL! It was so...new to me. Well, all my life I only know that GIRLS DO TALK ABOUT GUYS, ESPECIALLY THEIR CRUSHES. ALOT. But I have no idea that guys actually TALK MORE about girls!!! Haha, that's so interesting. Alright, so I went to SIM, and I have to admit, lots of cute looking male species hee. And I was telling my friend how deprived girls must have been in our polytechnic days, which still exists for us two. EW. University days please. 


I love smelling like milk powder. HAHA YES. M I L K P O W D E R. I don't like to spray on those flowery classy ladylike fragrances on my body >: I'd prefer to smell like milk powder hahaha. So I have this pink jacket that smells like milk powder, so I'll wear it when I'm at home, then when I take it off, I smell like milk powder. Hahaha. SO CUTE RIGHT. :D


I'm very angry with my group today >: And I got very pissed off, and I felt like snapping at any hapless victim that crosses my path. But it's okay, even if I AM STILL VERY ANNOYED when I think of it now, I've got things in control. We have issues, ME TOO. I can't be punctual, I can't even come these days. But we'll work things out, definitely. It's not the time to slit throats and strangle creatures, it's time to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN. Roar, ok chill. (Haha, have been telling myself to chill since noon)

Every girl should have a nice pair of shoes. I WANT TO OWN A NICE PAIR OF SHOES! Fascinated by leather boots leh. And many, many nice clothes. Heh. Saw my old friend at JP and he went window shopping w me for  an hour +++! Nice guy! :) 
I hate being short. So sick and tired of being short. Short people can't wear long dresses and look good >: Short people who can't walk in heels are a blasphemy LOL haha fuck my life. AIYAH IN MY PAST LIFE I MUST HAVE BEEN A FUCKING TALL CHIOBU LA. D: 

I’d reckon that I wont be happy reading his tweets either. Didn't ask her to do it, but being best friends, I guess she cares. But knowing how he's doing saddens me more than usual. I won't be happy knowing how he's doing; I'd rather I don't have a clue. Finds it hard to digest the fact that if I stop loving him, other girls would be loving him, in place of me </3 There will be another girl texting him good morning and good night texts, getting worried when he's sick and asking him out for movie dates. But then again, if another girl could do it in my place, and he wouldn't be missing out on the affections that I had been giving, I will be glad for him. Like, really. I believe he'd be happy for me too, if I could be loved the way I had treated him. I have accepted the fact that some people couldn't be puzzle pieces. It's kinda sad, but we'll be alright.

I'll end off this ultra long post with a ultra long quote from Jodi Picoult yeah? Cause when I read this quote, it kinda breaks my heart. Shall be off to watch Running Man episode 71. (:

"If I had to tell you how humans made their way to Earth, it would go like this: In the beginning, there was nothing at all but the moon and the sun. And the moon wanted to come out during the day, but there was something so much brighter that seemed to fill up all those hours. The moon grew hungry, thinner and thinner, until she was just a slice of herself, and her tips were as sharp as a knife. By accident, because that is the way most things happen, she poked a hole in the night and out spilled a million stars, like a fountain of tears.

Horrified, the moon tried to swallow them up. And sometimes this worked, because she got fatter and rounder.. But mostly it didn’t, because there were just so many. The stars kept coming, until they made the sky so bright that the sun got jealous. He invited the stars to his side of the world, where it was always bright. What he didn’t tell them, though, was that in the daytime, they’d never be seen. So the stupid ones leaped from the sky to the ground, and they froze under the weight of their own foolishness.

The moon did her best. She carved each of these blocks of sorrow into a man or a woman. She spent the rest of her time watching out so that her other stars wouldn’t fall. She spent the rest of her time holding onto whatever scraps she had left."

Well, let’s get the typing rolling. Today was fine, headed to school for Econs and guess what, reached class and there’s this ridiculous and unfathomable debate about barrier low barrier or whatever shit la. I have no idea what’s going on because I haven’t been attending lessons >: Jolene chided me for skipping so many classes JUST BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT and I feel really bad and ashamed of myself. Next week is the last week of school (Officially said, though I still have events going on of course _l_ ) and I really, really have to come.


Oh, good news. I’m selected for SP BP Mentoring Subcommittee! I remember feeling so damn fucking happy there and then when I saw the notification email, guess the hype died down. But anyhow, I’m still very delighted. However, the ambitious side of me spoke, Subcommittee is just a phase; I want to get into Managing Committee, I want to prove my self-worth. Never really had a leadership role back in my secondary school, (Not counting my emcee roles, leader for project work) so it really feels good to be appreciated. But what doesn’t please me or satiate my competitiveness is the fact that there’s a chance that I might be chosen not because I’m more superior than others, but because a substantial amount of would-be candidates didn’t even bother to write in. It’s a different story if I’m in MC, I’ll be elected by ability. That’s what I truly want. Anyway, enough talk about that. I just want to do well in SC for now. OK EASE THE TENSION SMILE SMILE.


Brother’s at camp ): OH MY FUCKING GOD WO HEN SAD. Miss him so much! I mean, without my baby brother at home, there’s nobody to say lame jokes to me, watch late night television shows with me, rant and annoy me 24/7 and chatter “RUNESCAPE RUNESCAPE” to me. I know, I know. He’s just at camp, what if he grows up and goes overseas for studies lol. I’ll be a sad old woman pining for her baby brother to return to entertain her huh! Realize that as I age, my relationship with my brother is improving at a flattering pace. It's so much tougher for sisters to sustain a good relationship; what's with all the cat fights and rivalry over cute guys, clothes, beauty products and makeup. Urgh. So troublesome >:

Exams are around the corner and I’m just sitting here feeling the angst of the stress and attempting to bang my head against the wall, fighting all my pent-up tension. Well, seeing that I’m a lady who follows organized schedules, let’s check this out.

Weekends: Revise VPDP and ECONS

Mon: IPRA Pre-submission to be completed

Tues: econs paper 

Weds: VPDP paper

Thurs: econs e-learning and final submission of IPRA

8 weeks VPDP Project 

9-11/12: BOOTCAMP –CASS

14-16: LEADERSHIP CAMP -MENTORING

I’m just done with News Writing paper and Gen Ed presentation. Both are so screwed because I had too much confidence in myself. I’d really wonder who will attend boot camp. So many of my classmates are giving it a miss, damn ):


Just my POV, (TOTALLY BASED ON CONVERSATIONS WITH GROUSERS)  I have an utter distaste for guys who go for girls based on looks. Like what the fuck right, the next moment when you meet a prettier girl, are you going to diss the poor lady? Jesus Christ. That’s why I don’t fall for guys who judge girls based on looks, it’s simply an intuition. I mean, it’s really fine if the girl catches your attention initially because of her looks, it’s completely reasonable and sane. I’ll be attracted by a cute guy come on? But if afterwards, you’re unable to see beneath the exterior for her inner substance, then oh my fucking god, screw you la. Go fuck yourself in a corner and die. Which doesn’t make sense la, how the fuck do you “fuck yourself in a corner” and I typed quite a number of “Oh my fucking god” in this post lol. I don't even have the rights to criticize those guys who "fall in love" for looks because I'm just this tiny little woman of a bitch who is so wise and intelligent to procure the rights of protecting my heart, falling in love with a guy who goes for intellectual and what the fuck shit talents, and ended up having my heart in stitches  either way. Lol fuck la, so stupid.


I don't know why, but sometimes people superimpose their own warped impressions of me that isn't true. I'm not all that popular, very much loved, have ex-es, is very intelligent or ah lian. I'm just a normal neighborhood girl living in this city, pleased to receive a little attention. Don't think too highly of me. Haha, and don't think too lowly too k.


Was having this really casual talk with my girlfriend and she told me this: You’re just not ready for a relationship. All these while, I didn’t believe in this logic. Because I feel that I’m already 17? Because I feel that I’m mature and conscious enough to have a relationship? But after all the hearts broken and broke, I realize that I’m only after the thrill of it. I just want what I want to have, maybe it isn’t even love. All I really know is, the guy that I fell for 5 years ago, is that one and only time that I know it’s not a plaything, nor am I being possessive over objects of my affection. That was true, and genuine. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have real feelings for x, but I changed too much afterwards, I was so hurt, so damaged, can it still be love?


Really wish I could fall in love, truthfully and genuinely with somebody. 我太不成熟了。


Working 11-5.30 shift tmrw, and then studying econs with girlfriends. Fucked life is starting by the time I wake up in the morning tmrw. But anyhow, always harbor hope in life. Positivity cures! Updated my blog because I’ve already predicted that I will be really busy for the next few days. (Though I might still update because I'm a slacker bitch lol) 

Hi, I'm currently in SP Auditorium, and yes, I have once again skipped vpdp because it sucks. I mean, who in the right mind can sit through 4 hours of tutorial without falling asleep? Not me. Meeting girlfriend for mac breakfast. Wheeeeeeeeeeeee. 

Met up on Sunday with my cheergalicious baby boy DANNY and baby girl GILBERT after we lost contact for awhile since I left cheer >: Headed to Danny’s place to study and at 9pm+ geylang street for din sum dinner and taohuey at rochor restaurant. Interesting sights and lights. There’s this awkward moment when they saw the side profile of this guy and exclaimed aloud, “Ok, that’s a butch.” And I think that guy heard them LOL! He came to sit next to our table and wow, what nice complexion hahaha. Love them to bits, can’t wait for another meet up soon!

Deeply ashamed of my Chinese standard now. I can’t even get simple terms and phrases right. It mightn’t be anything much to others, but hello, I used to be the bilingual award recipient back in school for 2 consecutive years!! Well, it isn’t really my fault that I don’t take Chinese these days and I’m a Media and Communications student. Urgh. MUST PRACTISE, MUST SPEAK GOOD CHINESE.

K so I met weird guys at my workplace. One was pretty cute, he keeps coming back to buy ice cream much to his dismay of his friends, which I personally find to be really amusing though. And he asked me, “I really resemble a kid right?” of which I smiled to him. Another situation was horrendously awkward. Apparently, my boss’ friend (which in some sense is my friend too?) kept smiling at this guy standing outside my shop pondering his ice cream flavor, and this friend of mine just kept smiling at him and winking at me LOL WTF! So I assumed that they know each other, so I smiled at my customer, who in turn stared at both of us in disbelief. When he left, I wanted to know really badly what was going on and I was like, “Why are you smiling like some homosexual making his moves on my customer?!” And my friend replied that the cust kept staring at me and he thought WE had something going on. Madness.

While waiting for the bus home, I had my music on loudspeaker and this crazy random weirdo asked, “Excuse me miss, what’s the song title that you’re listening to?” And I’m just there thinking: What the fuck, we are just two random people waiting for the bus; do you really have to do this? Shot him a disgusted and turned off look before giving him the title of which he went on to Google it and played it too _l_ Siao.

Monday is good, I am happy on Monday. I hope I’ll be happy for many more days to come. Journalism paper on Thursday, Econs _l_ FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE on next Tuesday. Followed by boot camp and IPRA ca due. Wonder if I would get into mentoring subcommittee. Though everybody is telling me that I have a relatively high chance, who knows? I have screwed up quite abit here and there, ah fuck. Shall not think about it.


Hand is swollen I don't know why ); Mosquito bite all of a sudden?! Should really stop visiting ngee ann so often, because SP feels more like home to me aw! AND OK, I PROMISE MYSELF TO NOT SKIP LESSONS ANYMORE FOR THIS WEEK. SO, FUCKING DON'T. NO CHLOE NO. D: Lol. 

It’s been a month since we last talk, since we stop keeping in touch, yet again. Every single day no matter if I’m sad or happy, angry or frustrated, I still feel a nagging emptiness within me. It’s like I’m only truly complete when I’m with him. It’s a kind of feeling unlike any other can give. I know, by not communicating with him, neither would he keep in touch with me. Because he once told me he wouldn’t feel a thing amiss even if I were to disappear from his life. He’s happy without me, and I’m happy for that. I don’t find it hard to feel happy for his happiness; I’m not all that selfish after all. I don’t know if I am really in love with this guy (It’s really too sacred a term to use for a 17 year old girl) but I am serious about liking him. I have so much to share with him about my life, it’s like I can tell him bits and pieces every single day, so that he could keep staying on. But I’d reckon he wouldn’t be interested to know. After all, it’s really just about me, and who gives a fuck about Chloe? I could fall asleep listening to him talk not because I’m sick and tired of hearing it, but because I want to fall asleep with his voice resonating in my head, with him by my side when I wake up.

对他的表白是唯一一次，也是最后一次。

It’s been a year. I should set him free from my heart, along with all these pain, these stupid tears and sleepless nights. I’d bet he sympathizes with me. I know I have to give up on him really soon. I’m so frightened I won’t have the will to let it go. But I know I will, because I ought to. Still strong enough for it.

Just came home from mentoring rehearsal. Doesn’t feel too good because I screwed up my part and exclaimed “Fuck”. What upset me more wasn’t the screwing up part, but the fact that I PROMISED MYSELF to abstain from profanities once I get into mentoring mode. Though there were no children around, I feel like I disappointed myself. So I felt like crying (I KNOW RIGHT, LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHY), and I suspect it’s pms la. Or the incident that upset me earlier today. Or some impromptu moodswing. Ok, I don’t know why either.

Somebody complimented that I have porcelain white skin and a dolly look. LOL I’m not kidding! Ok, I officially adore her now hahaha. Well, she probably missed the pimple seated on my left cheek. K, what the fuck.

Maybe I should consider behaving like an ah lian since that’s the impression I give most people. Haha, that’s gonna be interesting. Most of the time, I’m LITTLE MISS NICE. But some things cannot be condoned. So don’t blame me when you’re entertained by my bitchy side. Everybody has his limits.

Nobody have the rights to condemn another. Learn to judge with your mind, not your eyes. You'd spit venom with those words, swallow the fuck in. Don't let karma visit you like a little whore. If I were to say I’m okay with it, I’d be lying. But I’m counseling myself to let the matter rest. And I will. But definitely, we’ll all remember what exactly occurred. It’s like a scar, a bad memory. Sometimes it returns to haunt.

People often and always give excuses for what they can do, but are afraid of doing. And why are we so frightened? It’s because the first step itself is daunting. We fret over the consequences even before we take the plunge; we can’t overcome the mental monster within us. But you know what I think? Just-fucking-do-it. Don’t give excuses, no, nobody reserves the right to give any. What you fear is going to limit you. You’d never know what you are capable of. I understand that sometimes even if you give in your best, it’s still not good enough; you still won’t succeed or achieve your heart’s desires. But at least you tried, nobody will lament or regret assisting you.

Sometimes in spite of your best efforts, you can’t change people’s stagnant mindsets. So I give up and stop trying. I’m sorry that I stop trying.

I’ve been falling sick for the entire week. Stomach flu, fever and cold. Sometimes I really hope I can just faint there and then, and have a good rest. Everything is coming too fast, too sudden. I’m so unprepared. Please God, grant me a good rest. Maybe I will have it this weekend.

Saw Roald Dahl’s collections at Harris clearance sale for $160 and I am SO, SO TEMPTED to buy it since it’s the last set. But I don’t have fucking $160 then. I really love childhood stories and children writers. Hans Christian Anderson is my favorite childhood author. Books can always sift me into a whole new world and carry me away. I’d wonder if I could meet a guy who loves reading too. I hope he will like the same novels as me though J


Skinny love is annoying. ): 

Putting all the unhappy things aside, I’m going to watch 小鬼 movie tmrw at cathay!!!!!!!!!! ❤