Happy 18th.

How contradicting it must be when people go:

"Oh, y'know, I really care about you. I love you darling, but well, (inserts whatever shitty reason) so I'm sorry I can't be there for you."

"We're gonna have something else yep, belated?" 

FYI this is how those people with a 1001 reasons make me feel. 

Oh, so we ARE friends. You love me and you care for me, but you just can't be there. Work's more important, your chores are more important, your event's more important? What am I to these people? A friend? Why don't you people prove it and stop yakking about your concern to me in my face. Come on. 

To those with your lovely little reasons, now I know how important I am in your heart. 

So afraid of getting too close to people, too close for comfort, 'cause I'm the one letting them barge into my life, leaving with a tiny piece of me, each and every time. I'm not sorry to be a porcupine, afraid to let people into my heart and entrusting them with all my faith, 'cause it's a lie, everybody leaves me eventually. 

I'm so afraid of being abandoned, I choose to walk out of others' lives each and every time.

Sorry for all these grouses. *ok collects my own emotions and cheer up :D* 

Snipped off my precious baby love locks, ew. On impulse though, wonder if I should really dye my hair a safe black. Black? Safe? They don't exist in my dictionary fuck. 

& lastly to a dear girlfriend who will never desert me, miaosi, thanks so much for being such a sweetie, darling. You're the best friend any girl can have (if you stop eyeing on my eyecandies LOL WTF! But let's put that aside hahaha) Love you for a thousand years. 

Fuck, feeling so unloved before my 18th b'day I wish the day doesn't come ok. Fuck.

Ok, the last gif made me smile a little lol fml. I'm feeling so unloved I shall blow candles with all my soft toys wtf.